I am always going back to the memories I have of you. Like when I was little and we always laughed about your "salt and pepper hair". Or You, Grandma, Cory, and me going to the old train station in Cincinatti and seeing the crazy looking pig statues. I laugh everytime I think about clicking the button to roll the window down in the back seat and you thinking it was your turn signal on. I remember everyone just breaking out in laughter. Not because it was really that funny, but probably just because I thought it was hilarious! Cory and I still to this day argue about who really did that, but we both know that it was me.
As the memories start to near the end of your life though, that's when things get hard. I remember Dad breaking the news to us about your cancer. We all just sat in the living room crying because it was just so unbelievable. Our strong-willed, laid back Grandpa just couldn't have that horrible, horrible sickness. Then there were the visits as you got worse and worse. I could hardly bare seeing those tubes and how weak the tumors were making you. It broke my heart and it took all I had to hold the tears back until we got in the car. You were already in so much pain, how could I possibly add onto that by showing you my pain?
It was only a few months after that before God brought you to your real home. It all happened so fast. The Saturday before I was at prom without a care in the world, and that very next Wednesday I was back at your house. Except now, it was just Grandma's. And we were going through all of the old pictures in preparation for your funeral that night. I loved being able to look through all of the good times, but absolutely hated that you weren't there to share the memories. There were so many people at the funeral home to honor you Gramps. So many friends, family members, and even friends of friends that couldn't miss being able to say their final goodbyes. Grandma was so strong, and I'm not quite sure how. While she kept a strong face, Cory and I sat on the couch in such incredible sadness we couldn't even speak.
But soon enough, everyone left and it was time to go home and get on with our lives. It seemed impossible to do, but apparently we have done it because it is two years later and the world is still turning. But even though things have gone back to "normal", there is not a day that I don't think of you and all that I wish you would be able to be here for. My 16th birthday, getting my license, Cory's last high school football game, losing my license (even though that wasn't the best, I know you would have been there all the same)my first time ever peforming as an actress on stage, Waynesville Idol, getting my license back, Cory's graduation, pictures from Summer vacation, Cory's first college football game and me screaming my head off as Velma Cringe. Then there are the things that will have to happen without you there. My last high school drama performance, Senior Prom, my 18th birthday, high school graduation, first job, moving into college, college graduation, getting married, having kids, learning to love more deeply than I can imagine. And even though I know that you are watching, it doesn't stop me from wishing with all my heart that you were actually here with me.
You were such a good man. You married a beautiful and amazing woman, had four great kids and nine loving grandkids. You served our country, supported your family, and just made everyone around you so much happier. So on this two year anniversary of your final move to be with the Big Guy upstairs, I am here typing on my computer as I dry my tears to tell you that I love you with all my heart and miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'll see you one day Grandpa, but until then, I'm counting on you to be watching all of it from up there, because I certainly don't want you to miss a single thing.
Love Your Granddaughter,
Lindsey
"I miss you. I miss your smile. And I still shed a tear every once in a while. And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go, but I need you to know, I miss you. Sha la la la la, I miss you." ♥
