What a disappointment...

    

     All I wanted tonight was a peaceful evening at home, enjoying a movie with my boyfriend. So we went to the Red Box and chose The Invention of Lying. Neither of us knew much about it but figured it would at least be tolerable. It began that way, but I can tell you it certainly didn't end that way.
     One would assume that this opinion was created by excessive use of vulgar language, inappropriate situations, etc. Well, despite the face that there was a small bit of the aforementioned [What movie isn't like that these days?], that was not was cause so much disdain for me. It was a complete mockery of Christianity. Not just a few aspects of it or a few known faces of it, but of the entire Christian belief system.*** (See below for a summary. I wouldn't want to be the reason for anyone to watch this just so that they could understand what I was talking about.)
       To start, I know that we live in a country that has freedom of speech and I am in total agreement with that. It was not the fact that the movie was offensive to me and my beliefs that truly upset me though [even though that was a small fraction of it]. It was that such a large amount of people were a part of a movie like this particular one. That that many people were okay with putting something of its' content out into the eye of the public. And even worse, that it could sway unknowing people to believe such a lie. It is just so heartbreaking to me.
       However, while this entry is not meant to bash or offend the people apart of the making of the movie or anyone who likes the movie, it is simply to remind myself [most of my posts are made for similar reasons if you haven't already noticed] that while this world we live in is an amazing miracle and blessing by our Creator, it is also full of the Devil trying to manipulate and ruin us with everything he can.
      Our message at youth group on Sunday was based around almost the exact same principle, and it just shows me how much God truly is working in my life. It amazes me how I can go from being so upset about something that Satan is responsible for, to feeling so blessed because my God is keeping me aware and focused on the prize; Living an eternity with Him.
      So while this is to remind, encourage and focus myself, it is also to help any and everyone to do the same thing in their lives. It is inevitable that the Devil will do all he can to take us down with him by putting bad influences in our lives (people, movies, etc.), but it is our job to keep our eyes on Jesus and all of the amazing things He has promised us.

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you."
Romans 16:20

XOXO
Lindsey

***The summary:

Habits

     It's been said that as humans, we are creatures of habit. Well in my eighteen years of life, I have found this statement to be extremely true. There are aspects of my life that are extremely routine. What I have to do before I go to bed, how I got ready for school, what I do when I get on the computer, etc. While the fact that I am outrageously OCD particular about certain things, I have found that it takes me quite a long time to build my habits. I must be vigilant about making sure I remember to do said thing each day for weeks.
     So wouldn't you then think that it would take me an even longer time to kick my habits? It turns out that that is right and wrong. The silliest habits I have, I can't stop doing for the life of me. Take my night time routine for example. Before I can even think about going to sleep, my closet doors have to be completely shut, ALL lights off or covered (like the little light on my TV monitor for example..), ALL sound stopped (especially repetitive or rhythmic noises) and chapstick and lotion on. And that is only my pre-sleep routine! [It's border-line ridiculous, but hey, I've got to do what I've got to do.] I have been doing that same routine for years and I have absolutely no idea as to how that got started. I try so hard to gradually ween myself out of it, but my instincts kick in and it's a lost cause.
     Then there are the habits that I [attempt] to keep because it wouldn't hurt to do so or because someone else wants me to do it. For example, running. I used to run at least a mile every single day depsite how much I truly detested it. Do I do that now? Heck no. I hate running and find zero joy in doing so. It's not like it's the exercise aspect of it though because trust me, I can Zumba my booty off for hours and hours and have no problem with doing so. I just have no desire to run in circles on a track, in a cul-de-sac, or around a neighborhood while people watch how slow my short, little legs move. It's boring, embarassing and I do not want to do it. So was that a hard habit to start? Well duh. But was it an easy one to put a stop to? Extremely!
     But then there are the habits that I so desperately need to keep with, but it becomes just oh-so easy to push it aside when convenient. This example also has to do with my night-time routine. In the last couple of years, I have began to read my Bible frequently. It all started because a speaker at Winter Retreat challenged us to read our Bibles every day. So of course, I accepted the challenge and it worked! For a while anyways.. Every single night before I went to bed I made sure to read at least one chapter and take notes about what I had read. [If I don't write it down, I lose focus. Big time. Anyways...] I did so well! For a few months...But I got busy, and that precious time spent with my Lord and Savior got pushed aside instantly. Then the Summer rolled around, and a speaker at Church camp challenged us to read our Bibles everyday for 30 days in order to start an incredible habit. [Coincidence?? Nah. I have camp on the brain.] So I did the same thing. Did well, then got busy. I have done that same pattern of behavior FOUR TIMES since that first Winter Retreat experience. However, I have started this process over again. But this time, it will be the LAST time.
     Yes, we are creatures of habit. But it also takes self-control and awareness to start a healthy and rewarding life-long habit. So while this blog post was mostly to remind me of what I must keep with, it is also for any and everyone reading this. Despite the fact that that's not exactly a huge number, I'm hoping it will be at least relevant for one person reading this crazy thought process of mine. So I encourage you to take a look at your life at this moment in time and become aware of the habits that you either have and need to kick (anything unhealthy for your physically, mentally, or spiritually), or the habits that you know you need to keep a constant. All it takes is a little faith [in both ourselves and our Creator who gives us all of the support we could hope for] and you'll be amazed at the difference you will see.

XOXO
Lindsey

Dear Grandpa

     First of all, I miss you. I miss you so much. Today it has been two years since you left us, and somehow I am still in shock that you're gone. All day long I have been going back to that morning sophomore year the Monday after prom when Mom woke me up just early enough that I knew something was wrong. I mean, how could my Grandpa not be there anymore? Every dance competition, choir concert, sports game, holiday, family get together? It doesn't seem right and it never will.
     I am always going back to the memories I have of you. Like when I was little and we always laughed about your "salt and pepper hair". Or You, Grandma, Cory, and me going to the old train station in Cincinatti and seeing the crazy looking pig statues. I laugh everytime I think about clicking the button to roll the window down in the back seat and you thinking it was your turn signal on. I remember everyone just breaking out in laughter. Not because it was really that funny, but probably just because I thought it was hilarious! Cory and I still to this day argue about who really did that, but we both know that it was me.
    As the memories start to near the end of your life though, that's when things get hard. I remember Dad breaking the news to us about your cancer. We all just sat in the living room crying because it was just so unbelievable. Our strong-willed, laid back Grandpa just couldn't have that horrible, horrible sickness. Then there were the visits as you got worse and worse. I could hardly bare seeing those tubes and how weak the tumors were making you. It broke my heart and it took all I had to hold the tears back until we got in the car. You were already in so much pain, how could I possibly add onto that by showing you my pain?
     It was only a few months after that before God brought you to your real home. It all happened so fast. The Saturday before I was at prom without a care in the world, and that very next Wednesday I was back at your house. Except now, it was just Grandma's. And we were going through all of the old pictures in preparation for your funeral that night. I loved being able to look through all of the good times, but absolutely hated that you weren't there to share the memories. There were so many people at the funeral home to honor you Gramps. So many friends, family members, and even friends of friends that couldn't miss being able to say their final goodbyes. Grandma was so strong, and I'm not quite sure how. While she kept a strong face, Cory and I sat on the couch in such incredible sadness we couldn't even speak.
     But soon enough, everyone left and it was time to go home and get on with our lives. It seemed impossible to do, but apparently we have done it because it is two years later and the world is still turning. But even though things have gone back to "normal", there is not a day that I don't think of you and all that I wish you would be able to be here for. My 16th birthday, getting my license, Cory's last high school football game, losing my license (even though that wasn't the best, I know you would have been there all the same)my first time ever peforming as an actress on stage, Waynesville Idol, getting my license back, Cory's graduation, pictures from Summer vacation, Cory's first college football game and me screaming my head off as Velma Cringe. Then there are the things that will have to happen without you there. My last high school drama performance, Senior Prom, my 18th birthday, high school graduation, first job, moving into college, college graduation, getting married, having kids, learning to love more deeply than I can imagine. And even though I know that you are watching, it doesn't stop me from wishing with all my heart that you were actually here with me.
     You were such a good man. You married a beautiful and amazing woman, had four great kids and nine loving grandkids. You served our country, supported your family, and just made everyone around you so much happier. So on this two year anniversary of your final move to be with the Big Guy upstairs, I am here typing on my computer as I dry my tears to tell you that I love you with all my heart and miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'll see you one day Grandpa, but until then, I'm counting on you to be watching all of it from up there, because I certainly don't want you to miss a single thing. 

Love Your Granddaughter, 
Lindsey

"I miss you. I miss your smile. And I still shed a tear every once in a while. And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go, but I need you to know, I miss you. Sha la la la la, I miss you." ♥

Snow Day!

   

     Snow days to most students means sledding, hot cocoa, and most importantly, no school work. However, I feel like I am an adult trapped in a 17 year old's body because {most} of those things are the furthest from my mind at the moment. I feel like I have more to do on these days off!
     When I have all of this time off, it gives my mind wayyy to much time to wonder. I think about the stuff I don't really care to remember. I think about what stresses me out, what freaks me out, and everything else that likes to run through my mind at the worst possible times {as I'm trying to fall asleep for instance}.
     However, I am not, let me repeat not, going to do that to myself today. I am always so worried about every little thing. So today, this post is to remind myself to get the important things done without stressing and most importantly to r e l a x.  It may seem impossible but it's my goal for this snowy Tuesday afternoon. So rather than stressing about  everything going on in my life right now, I am going to take a nice hot shower, sing at the top of my lungs when no one is home, and have some carefree audition-practice time.
     So I challenge you today not to let all of this free time cloud your mind with stressful and negative thoughts, but to enjoy it!

XOXO
Lindsey

Overwhelm Me

     Let me be frank right now, I completely freak out don't really handle stress well. Dealing with friends {and non-friends}, family {gotta love them}, school {what classes I decided to take this year anyways}, college decisions {yikes}, appearance {ugh}, being a good Christian {so much harder than it may seem sometimes}, everything else that comes hand in hand with being a teenage girl quite honestly makes my head feel like it's going to explode. 
     And to be honest again, I haven't been necessarily been dealing with the many joys of my life {haha..} in the best ways. I have taken it out on others, taken it out on myself, and then just flat out resorted to closing myself off from whatever, and whoever, I could.
    Obviously, that is not the most sufficient way of dealing with life. Well thanks to a very kind and loving youth leader, I have just recently gotten a teen devotional book called Falling Apart: 100 Days of Getting It Together. I am only on Day 2, but I have already been able to see that the way I've been acting is not the right way. 
     Rather than letting all of the many things going on in life become overwhelming, I need to let God overwhelm me. What an epiphany right?! I have many of those as I'm laying in bed not sleeping, {I'm basically an insomniac now, go figure!} but this has by far been the most helpful to me. One of the quotes given in the book says that God didn't promise us molehills, but mountains! He is capable of what seems impossible, even helping me keep my cool when I want to flip! 
    So this is just a reminder for all of my lovely readers {because I have sooo many of those} not to let the stress of life get to you. No, we'll never be perfect enough to keep our cool all the time, but life is much, much more enjoyable when we can just put our trust into the One who is capable of handling it all with an eternal amount of grace. So, rather than letting the world be so overwhelming, I am just going to let the love of someone Who will never give up on me, overwhelm me. <3

 

*If anyone is interested in this devotional book and it's tips, well, in 98 days you are more than welcome to borrow it! 

Boo!

Dictionary.com defines the word fear as: 

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. 

Fear comes in many different shapes and sizes. Whether it may be an object that you fear (spiders, snakes), an occurrence that frightens you (drowning, burning), or an abstract fear (stage fright, being rejected), fear is just a part of our lives.
     I wouldn't say that fear runs my life, because that is an extremely false statement. But it's not like I'm immune to fear! Of course I absolutely hate spiders and snakes, and drowning and burning would just awful. But what I am really trying to conquer in my life right now are those darn abstract fears. As I mentioned in my first post, I am absolutely terrified a little nervous about getting old. Call me crazy, but it's true. Not only will I be completely responsible for taking care of myself and my future family. I'll have to have a reliable job, help pay the bills (along with my caring, kind, Christian husband who can play the guitar and loves to play with my hair), make sure my two children (a little boy 1-2 years older than my little girl) are safe and happy, and then not to mention getting really old!  Something about having the possibility of being thrown into a nursing home plus getting wrinkles just freaks me out! 
       But no matter how fearful I am of getting old, I am a normal teenage girl. Rejection, in all honesty, is my number one fear. Who isn't afraid of being rejected though? Being rejected by friends, peers, teachers, colleges, directors, the world in general; the list is endless. But I mean this is normal, right?? {sigh} Anyways, I have been trying to conquer this fear for a little while. And despite how lengthy this process has been, and will continue to be, so far it has been successful. Trying out for our Spring musical last year was the most horrifying thing I have ever done! I had never sang in front of anyone before and did not want people walking around school the next talking about how horrible I was; let's just quote my good friend Kim by saying that "my leg grew a personality of it's own". I was shaking, sweating, gasping for air. Yupp. I was that girl... Well luckily, most of the side effects (except for the leg thing) stopped before my actual audition. I went home afterward and cried my eyes out. I thought I did just awful. Turns out, I got a part!!! Now, that one audition has changed my life for the best! I am in love with performing and singing now! All I had to do was conquer that fear of being rejected to find out so much more about myself than I could have imagined. 
      I still struggle with that fear though and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not made of stone, ya know! Anyways, in case anyone is actually reading this someone else is struggling with fear in their life. Here are some verses that have helped me very much. 


Romans 8:39 Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? 

Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

PS. If you are actually reading this, let me know so that I can know whether I am just typing to my computer. :) And if you are reading, thanks.

  

Me a blogger? No!

I suppose it's true. I am, as of now, a blogger! I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing this, so I'll start off with a whole lot of things a little bit about myself. Things that you already knew or may have had no clue at all. Happy Reading!