Dear Grandpa

     First of all, I miss you. I miss you so much. Today it has been two years since you left us, and somehow I am still in shock that you're gone. All day long I have been going back to that morning sophomore year the Monday after prom when Mom woke me up just early enough that I knew something was wrong. I mean, how could my Grandpa not be there anymore? Every dance competition, choir concert, sports game, holiday, family get together? It doesn't seem right and it never will.
     I am always going back to the memories I have of you. Like when I was little and we always laughed about your "salt and pepper hair". Or You, Grandma, Cory, and me going to the old train station in Cincinatti and seeing the crazy looking pig statues. I laugh everytime I think about clicking the button to roll the window down in the back seat and you thinking it was your turn signal on. I remember everyone just breaking out in laughter. Not because it was really that funny, but probably just because I thought it was hilarious! Cory and I still to this day argue about who really did that, but we both know that it was me.
    As the memories start to near the end of your life though, that's when things get hard. I remember Dad breaking the news to us about your cancer. We all just sat in the living room crying because it was just so unbelievable. Our strong-willed, laid back Grandpa just couldn't have that horrible, horrible sickness. Then there were the visits as you got worse and worse. I could hardly bare seeing those tubes and how weak the tumors were making you. It broke my heart and it took all I had to hold the tears back until we got in the car. You were already in so much pain, how could I possibly add onto that by showing you my pain?
     It was only a few months after that before God brought you to your real home. It all happened so fast. The Saturday before I was at prom without a care in the world, and that very next Wednesday I was back at your house. Except now, it was just Grandma's. And we were going through all of the old pictures in preparation for your funeral that night. I loved being able to look through all of the good times, but absolutely hated that you weren't there to share the memories. There were so many people at the funeral home to honor you Gramps. So many friends, family members, and even friends of friends that couldn't miss being able to say their final goodbyes. Grandma was so strong, and I'm not quite sure how. While she kept a strong face, Cory and I sat on the couch in such incredible sadness we couldn't even speak.
     But soon enough, everyone left and it was time to go home and get on with our lives. It seemed impossible to do, but apparently we have done it because it is two years later and the world is still turning. But even though things have gone back to "normal", there is not a day that I don't think of you and all that I wish you would be able to be here for. My 16th birthday, getting my license, Cory's last high school football game, losing my license (even though that wasn't the best, I know you would have been there all the same)my first time ever peforming as an actress on stage, Waynesville Idol, getting my license back, Cory's graduation, pictures from Summer vacation, Cory's first college football game and me screaming my head off as Velma Cringe. Then there are the things that will have to happen without you there. My last high school drama performance, Senior Prom, my 18th birthday, high school graduation, first job, moving into college, college graduation, getting married, having kids, learning to love more deeply than I can imagine. And even though I know that you are watching, it doesn't stop me from wishing with all my heart that you were actually here with me.
     You were such a good man. You married a beautiful and amazing woman, had four great kids and nine loving grandkids. You served our country, supported your family, and just made everyone around you so much happier. So on this two year anniversary of your final move to be with the Big Guy upstairs, I am here typing on my computer as I dry my tears to tell you that I love you with all my heart and miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'll see you one day Grandpa, but until then, I'm counting on you to be watching all of it from up there, because I certainly don't want you to miss a single thing. 

Love Your Granddaughter, 
Lindsey

"I miss you. I miss your smile. And I still shed a tear every once in a while. And even though it's different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go, but I need you to know, I miss you. Sha la la la la, I miss you." ♥

Snow Day!

   

     Snow days to most students means sledding, hot cocoa, and most importantly, no school work. However, I feel like I am an adult trapped in a 17 year old's body because {most} of those things are the furthest from my mind at the moment. I feel like I have more to do on these days off!
     When I have all of this time off, it gives my mind wayyy to much time to wonder. I think about the stuff I don't really care to remember. I think about what stresses me out, what freaks me out, and everything else that likes to run through my mind at the worst possible times {as I'm trying to fall asleep for instance}.
     However, I am not, let me repeat not, going to do that to myself today. I am always so worried about every little thing. So today, this post is to remind myself to get the important things done without stressing and most importantly to r e l a x.  It may seem impossible but it's my goal for this snowy Tuesday afternoon. So rather than stressing about  everything going on in my life right now, I am going to take a nice hot shower, sing at the top of my lungs when no one is home, and have some carefree audition-practice time.
     So I challenge you today not to let all of this free time cloud your mind with stressful and negative thoughts, but to enjoy it!

XOXO
Lindsey

Overwhelm Me

     Let me be frank right now, I completely freak out don't really handle stress well. Dealing with friends {and non-friends}, family {gotta love them}, school {what classes I decided to take this year anyways}, college decisions {yikes}, appearance {ugh}, being a good Christian {so much harder than it may seem sometimes}, everything else that comes hand in hand with being a teenage girl quite honestly makes my head feel like it's going to explode. 
     And to be honest again, I haven't been necessarily been dealing with the many joys of my life {haha..} in the best ways. I have taken it out on others, taken it out on myself, and then just flat out resorted to closing myself off from whatever, and whoever, I could.
    Obviously, that is not the most sufficient way of dealing with life. Well thanks to a very kind and loving youth leader, I have just recently gotten a teen devotional book called Falling Apart: 100 Days of Getting It Together. I am only on Day 2, but I have already been able to see that the way I've been acting is not the right way. 
     Rather than letting all of the many things going on in life become overwhelming, I need to let God overwhelm me. What an epiphany right?! I have many of those as I'm laying in bed not sleeping, {I'm basically an insomniac now, go figure!} but this has by far been the most helpful to me. One of the quotes given in the book says that God didn't promise us molehills, but mountains! He is capable of what seems impossible, even helping me keep my cool when I want to flip! 
    So this is just a reminder for all of my lovely readers {because I have sooo many of those} not to let the stress of life get to you. No, we'll never be perfect enough to keep our cool all the time, but life is much, much more enjoyable when we can just put our trust into the One who is capable of handling it all with an eternal amount of grace. So, rather than letting the world be so overwhelming, I am just going to let the love of someone Who will never give up on me, overwhelm me. <3

 

*If anyone is interested in this devotional book and it's tips, well, in 98 days you are more than welcome to borrow it! 

Boo!

Dictionary.com defines the word fear as: 

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. 

Fear comes in many different shapes and sizes. Whether it may be an object that you fear (spiders, snakes), an occurrence that frightens you (drowning, burning), or an abstract fear (stage fright, being rejected), fear is just a part of our lives.
     I wouldn't say that fear runs my life, because that is an extremely false statement. But it's not like I'm immune to fear! Of course I absolutely hate spiders and snakes, and drowning and burning would just awful. But what I am really trying to conquer in my life right now are those darn abstract fears. As I mentioned in my first post, I am absolutely terrified a little nervous about getting old. Call me crazy, but it's true. Not only will I be completely responsible for taking care of myself and my future family. I'll have to have a reliable job, help pay the bills (along with my caring, kind, Christian husband who can play the guitar and loves to play with my hair), make sure my two children (a little boy 1-2 years older than my little girl) are safe and happy, and then not to mention getting really old!  Something about having the possibility of being thrown into a nursing home plus getting wrinkles just freaks me out! 
       But no matter how fearful I am of getting old, I am a normal teenage girl. Rejection, in all honesty, is my number one fear. Who isn't afraid of being rejected though? Being rejected by friends, peers, teachers, colleges, directors, the world in general; the list is endless. But I mean this is normal, right?? {sigh} Anyways, I have been trying to conquer this fear for a little while. And despite how lengthy this process has been, and will continue to be, so far it has been successful. Trying out for our Spring musical last year was the most horrifying thing I have ever done! I had never sang in front of anyone before and did not want people walking around school the next talking about how horrible I was; let's just quote my good friend Kim by saying that "my leg grew a personality of it's own". I was shaking, sweating, gasping for air. Yupp. I was that girl... Well luckily, most of the side effects (except for the leg thing) stopped before my actual audition. I went home afterward and cried my eyes out. I thought I did just awful. Turns out, I got a part!!! Now, that one audition has changed my life for the best! I am in love with performing and singing now! All I had to do was conquer that fear of being rejected to find out so much more about myself than I could have imagined. 
      I still struggle with that fear though and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not made of stone, ya know! Anyways, in case anyone is actually reading this someone else is struggling with fear in their life. Here are some verses that have helped me very much. 


Romans 8:39 Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? 

Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

PS. If you are actually reading this, let me know so that I can know whether I am just typing to my computer. :) And if you are reading, thanks.

  

Me a blogger? No!

I suppose it's true. I am, as of now, a blogger! I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing this, so I'll start off with a whole lot of things a little bit about myself. Things that you already knew or may have had no clue at all. Happy Reading!